Yes, once again trying to decide important things, part II

The promised expansion of the choices.  Again, if you can think of other options that I am missing, let me know.  : ) 

Option 1: Focus on the job and life I have now.  Stop looking for teaching jobs, researching teaching, and teaching a class or two every year.  Read more, write more, be in a choir, be less exhausted, find a new church, find some more volunteer work with a church.

Option 2: Focus on the job I may get in the future.  Sing less.  Be more exhausted.  Read less.  Write less.  Try to get published.  Keep researching and teaching.  Build up enough experience and/or publications over the next ten years that I might be able to get a teaching job once I have my loans paid off.  Work a couple jobs some of the time.  Have less time to do volunteer work and in my church. 

Don't worry, I think I'll hold off on making any momentous decisions until after my performance review at work and maybe late spring when I'll have absorbed so much sunlight, I can't possibly be the least bit SADD (if I even am now, which I doubt).

Yes, once again trying to decide important things, part I

I am trying to decide if I suffer from some form of SADD or whether late winter/early spring is just the time when things line up, and I end up re-examing my life, dreams, and priorities and trying to figure out whether/when quitting is the right thing to do.  I've gotten more sun this winter than ever since it's been so mild, and I've spent mornings bathing in the sun coming through my window, so chances are that it's just an issue of timing.  Right now I'm not working two jobs, and I'm starting to catch up on the things I had to put off during the time I was doing two jobs.  And so.  Choices again.

1. Stop teaching and focus on other things I can do now.
2. Keep teaching for possible/unlikely future dream job and don't participate in other things I can do now.

If you can think of an option 3 or 4, let me know.  I do want to consider them all.  Stay tuned for a rehash/expansion of the options in future posts.

We, the church

So I've been a bit down on the church lately but trying not to be.  There are, in fact, good things happening at my country club church.  In fact, many of the things we were agitating for in our rebel small group have come to pass.  These are good things, and I am glad.

I ran across this post about community by Addie Zierman.  Since I am church hunting now, I think it's a good reminder that the perfect church does not exist and some of the forces it's fighting against in American culture.

"But there is a natural gravity to the American life, and if we don’t make an effort, we find ourselves pulled inward to our own nuclear families, circling our own rhythms and routines. We say “we” and what we mean is the four people who live and move and breath in our single-family homes, not that larger we, the more complex we, the one that we must choose to love."

"And you can go to every church in a fifteen-mile radius and still never find that whole thing, that unbroken thing, that ready-made community who takes you all the way in. If you are tired and delicate enough, this can feel like a reason to give up."

I can't let myself give up, no matter how tired or delicate I'm feeling these days.  Even (especially) when it's hard.

Something to ponder

So there's a person where I work who is mostly known for incompetence.  This person has had some serious health problems, as well, which seems to be why our kindhearted bosses don't want to simply fire this person for being bad at a job despite having it for a good number of years.  The rest of us are competent enough to get around this person's incompetence, but it's annoying sometimes to have to do this person's job in addition to our own.

Lo and behold, I discovered that this person attends a Bible study some days over lunch.  And I thought, "Does knowing that this person may be a Christian change my opinion of this person?"  And I thought, "Should it?"  And I thought, "If so, why and how?"  And, "If not, why not?"

Your thoughts?

6 years and sneaking cynicism, part 2

Anyway, I guess it's reactions like that that contribute to the thing that made me the most sad when I listened to his most recent album.  The thoughtfulness and reflection are still there, but so is a ton of bitterness.  I'm not sure it's cynicism (which is related to hopelessness)  yet, but gone is the encouraging undercurrent in She Must and Shall Go Free.  These songs are often angry in music and words.  It's a very good album, but it isn't sweet or uplifting. 

One reviewer explained the album this way, "[T]his album turns its focus on the decisions we make living in a fallen world. Specifically, how we often fall in love with things that do us harm."  Another described the theme as the way "our culture is infatuated with everything that will destroy us."

This album got a lot of hate.  I think it's probably another case of incorrect expectations on the part of listeners.  I think the album does what it sets out to do: lyrics and music match and amplify each other, and the result is powerful and thought-provoking.  However, if this isn't what you're looking for, you will be disappointed.  If so, don't blame it on the CD . . .

Webb got nominated for a Dove Award for his most recent album (an instrumental effort based on the Lord's Prayer), and his reaction seemed pretty surly (he seems like an honest person, so I can't really fault him for telling the truth about his feelings).  He said he wouldn't go to the ceremony and that he doesn't even really believe in the Dove Awards.  Some of his fans got mad and wrote some nasty comments (something he's not unfamiliar with).  I came across a good post where someone stepped up to point out something I think we often forget in the church: sometimes the best thing to do if you don't agree with a brother/sister in Christ (or anyone for that matter) is not to start screaming and attacking.  I know, call me crazy.

My favorite comment from that article: "But if people don’t tell him how ‘wrong’ he is how will they accomplish Christ’s call to go into all the world and make judgements against all nations?"

Ouch.  Webb kind of nailed it here, as well.  Truth behind the veil of sharp sarcasm.  It's true, but it also shows his hurt and frustration and bitterness.  Really, who wouldn't be bitter when facing this kind of thing?

And that brings me to a question:  how do you keep from becoming bitter or cynical when slammed again and again by the sheer weight of the behavior of sinful humanity inside the church?  The more one tries to engage with and love the church, as Webb correctly says is necessary in He Must and Shall Go Free, the more one can't help but see that the church seems to be made up of seriously sinful people who often seem incapable even thinking about and trying to figure out what a right thing to do is, let alone doing a right thing.  It's hard to admit I'm one of them.  Sigh.  But distancing myself doesn't make it any less true.

6 years and sneaking cynicism, part 1

The Ringing Bell was on sale, and I liked Derek Webb's work in Caedmon's Call, so I picked it up in 2008 or so.  It was delightful: playful, challenging, and sarcastic.  I heard that his first album (2003) was the one most people considered the best, so I wanted to pick it up, but it seemed to be out of print.  In 2010, I was given his newest album, the one so controversial that it almost didn't get released at all.  This past Christmas, thanks to the rise of the internet and an eventual rising trade in used CDs, I was given his first album.  At work this week, I was doing some repetitive work and feeling exhausted (hasn't been a good sleep week), and I had finally brought the music to work, so I decided to give it a whirl.

I had the odd experience of listening to Derek Webb's solo album Stockholm Syndrome followed immediately by his first solo album She Must and Shall Go Free.  There is something to be said for listening to albums in the order they were created and released.  However, sometimes you can't get a real sense of change when you do that.  Sometimes the change is gradual, and if you listen in order, you don't really notice the gradual shifts.  Looking at Webb's discography, it seems like there were always pretty big shifts in style, tone, or content, but the change between his first and most recent one is huge. 

Sure, the musical style is strikingly different, but it's the different in tone that kind of floored me.  She Must and Shall Go Free is this complicated love song to the church, hopeful in tone but frequently embarrassed by the truth of fallen human behavior and thinking within the church.  It's thought-provoking and true.  It made me ashamed and hopeful.

What made me lose a little hope was the response of some Christians to it.  From Wikipedia:

His first solo album, She Must and Shall Go Free (2003) is notable for causing controversy in Contemporary Christian Music circles; some Christian retailers refused to stock the album for its use of "strong" language.

One of the songs that was the basis for controversy was "Wedding Dress" where Webb compares Christians who seek fulfillment in things outside of Christ to a person committing adultery. An introspective tune, Webb writes that "I am a whore I do confess / I put you on just like a wedding dress".

Another song that generated controversy was "Saint and Sinner" where Webb wrote "I used to be a damned mess but now I look just fine, 'Cause you dressed me up and we drank the finest wine". The word 'damned' was removed from the final version of the album, at the request of two major Christian retailers.

Seriously?  This is biblical language used in appropriate situations.  Sorry it's too strong for you, Christians.

Read more about the newer album Stockholm Syndrome in the next post . . .

Showing love while saying "Go and sin no more"

So I read this article.  It's long, but I recommend you take some time and do the same.  It's pretty heavily slanted at times, and I have no idea why everything has to be tied in to a politician.  I guess because it's in the political section?  That seems dumb because I think the story itself can stand on its own as an Important News Topic without dragging in whatever politician it's currently en vogue to bash, but maybe that's just me.  Maybe some people wouldn't read this story without being tossed a politician.  Fine.

Recently, my pastor did a sermon on a particular story from John about when a bunch of people brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, trying to trip him up into making some sort of religious statement that would get him in trouble.  Jesus didn't end up getting embarrassed, and he didn't get tricked into making some statement they could condemn him for.  No, he just did some slightly inexplicable things and suggested that whoever was without sin should be the first one to throw a stone at her to start the traditional punishment.  They all left because I guess there are some kinds of hypocritical it's hard to be in the face of that straight line.  Then Jesus looked up and asked where everyone went, and she said they're gone.  He said he wouldn't condemn her either, and she should go and sin no more.  He saved her life.

When we start to look more like the crowd wanting to stone the person than we look like Jesus, I suspect that there is a very big problem with our behavior.

I'm not saying that how Christians ought to deal with homosexual sin isn't a tough issue.  It is.  If you take your Bible literally, you believe that homosexual behavior is a sin (just like adultery, fornication, lying, gossip, and stirring up dissent).  If you take your Bible literally, a lifestyle of flagrant sin without repentance is not something that should pass without judgment (with the motive of eventual restoration) in a local church body.  If you take your Bible literally, you know that those outside the church are not to be held to the lifestyle and behavioral standards of those in the church; they are to be loved, the way Jesus loved. 

What does that look practically speaking when carried out in this present world by people who are not God incarnate?  I don't really know.  I do know it most likely doesn't look like this.

It really is a fraught issue.  So.  What do you think the role of believers should be in these communities?  How should they love?  Are they allowed to love without making a big deal about how they disagree with homosexual behavior?  How do they save lives and still say, "Go and sin no more"?  Are they allowed, as sinners, to say this in the first place?  How could they create a space where people can be honest and ask questions or just be loved as people made in the image of God in a way that doesn't ignore right and wrong?  How would your church handle it?  How would you?  What would you say to these kids (the dead and the living in pain)?