Now that I'm back home and have some energy and physical ability to organize my space, I have been thinking a lot lately about what to keep and what to give away. My colleagues younger than me are taking sabbaticals at work for months with no pay and going to expensive and exotic places and doing things they've always wanted to do. I couldn't do this, and I've been thinking about why.
I suppose it's possible that they are independently wealthy and just working for fun. More likely they are not living alone on a single income. One of them lives with his parents still. One of them is married. Neither of them are dealing with chronic health shenanigans.
Or maybe, my brain suggests, all of the money I donate, if put into a savings account instead, would allow for this type of activity and travel. It would have certainly allowed my to completely pay off my mortgage over the past 10 years, which would have freed up LOTS of extra money to save.
Financial planners everywhere discourage donating so much to charity. They recommend saving and paying down debt and only then donating, when it is responsible to do so, when it is wise from a point of financial stability and self-sufficiency.
And that is not what God calls us to. Sure, we're encouraged to be responsible with our money, but more than that we're called to be responsible to our neighbors. Not because it will get us more in the end, but because it is right that those of us who have been given more should use it to help those who have been given less, those who have less, those who need. And we all need at some point, even if most of us would rather die than admit it or ask for help and put others out.
When I was in a much worse financial situation, my church gave me money to cover my deductible after my car got totaled in an accident. Several times, church members helped me move when there was no way I could afford professional movers. An assistant pastor came over once to separate tiny plastic things for a medication when my hands weren't working well enough to do it. (My church small group members also did this a non-zero number of times.) Church members brought me distilled water during the pandemic when it was as hard to find as diamonds on midwestern roads. My churches over the years have given me the chance to sing in choirs and make beautiful music for free.
Many of the other places I give money have no direct connection with me. Lots of justice work here and around the world, child sponsorship, clean water for communities, food for the hungry, free press: I don't "get" anything from them.
I've heard some people say that if you give to God, He will reward you with more money. That's always felt a bit gross to me. It's not what I read in the Bible. It's not about God as vending machine. It's about love and need. It's about faithfulness. It's about obedience. Not because I have to. Not because I get something from it. But because God wants to use what I have to bless those who need. Because I love and want to obey.
Sometimes that's harder than others. I sure would like to travel. I sure would like to rest for a long time and get this organizing and cleaning done. But if I'm going to love the way God asks me to, I can't right now. So. I guess I'll just have to feel the envy and walk myself through it each time and hopefully conclude that obedience is more important to me than self-gratification by other means.
I will keep giving "too much" of what God has given me to others.
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