Saturday, September 5, 2015

Dear parents of an adult child with un-diagnosed mental illness,

Dear parents of an adult child with un-diagnosed mental illness,
is why I want you to go
see a good family counselor psychologist: so
you will know 
that this 
is not 
your fault.  I 
want you to talk
to someone who sees
this kind of thing
every day, someone
who will listen with
knowledge, someone
who can suggest
things you can try
(if you haven't already 
tried them and only 
if you ask).  I want 
you to hear--from someone who hears
from people like you for a living--
whether or not this behavior
that hurts you
so badly
is something your child
chooses (and something you choose
to allow) or whether
this is 
your child 
has no choice over 
due to the mental health issues.
Maybe that doesn't
matter to you so much,
but it does to me.  It's
different for me if
someone is choosing
to be cruel to me than
if someone is
unable to
anything healthy
because of brain
chemistry problems.
It's scary, too, of
course, to think that
someone is behaving 
so badly without 
any choice 
in the matter 
because that means they can't
choose better behaviors (except
maybe to finally seek treatment
and health and help like any
ill person should).  However,
I'd rather know that truth
than go on suspecting 
that someone is knowingly, 
intentionally causing pain 
to people who love them
because that person chooses
to do so for any reason.  Please,
talk to someone who 
can give you real answers,
and stop lying and
saying it's okay and
it doesn't bother you
when the hurt you feel
is a sound
I can hear
so clearly even
over my phone's
terrible connection
to you.  Please choose
to find out
if this brokenness
can be repaired or
needs to be surrendered
as something you
cannot change and are not
responsible for, so we can all
move on from there.