Saturday, May 22, 2010

How to be really neurotic about a job interview

  1. Find out that one of the people you are interviewing with will not hire you if you're not wearing a plain, black suit that is dry-cleaned and neatly ironed.
  2. Be really glad that the one suit you own is plain and black.
  3. Remember that the last time you could afford to have it dry-cleaned, they ironed the seams of the pants in a wonky way and did something strange to one of the shoulder pads.
  4. Panic because what if they don't hire you because of that?!
  5. Consider taking it to the dry-cleaners and asking them to iron it VERY CAREFULLY.
  6. Realize you don't have the money.
  7. Convince yourself that it's an investment, and if you get this job you will have the money.
  8. Wonder what if they screw something up and rip it or put a hole in it or ruin the other shoulder pad, and you can't wear it?! There is no way you can afford a new suit. And this is actually the only suit you have ever worn that makes you look really good! And if it gets ruined, you will be ruined! RUINED!
  9. Decide not to take it to the dry-cleaners you can't afford.
  10. Air it out really thoroughly, and plan to be sitting down, so they can't see the wonky seams during the interview.
  11. Remember that your shoulders are crooked anyway.
  12. Remember that it's your lack of experience that will be more likely to ruin your interview.
  13. Jitter about trying not to get your hopes up because your hope is not in this job. Though this job could save your financial life, health, and other important things, this job cannot really save you.
  14. Try not to expect things to miraculously work out this time in your favor because it's been a rough seven years.
  15. Try to be calm even though the more things seem to be coming together in some visible pattern that seems divinely orchestrated, the more scared you are at how disappointed you'll be if the rug gets pulled out, and this job falls through, too.
  16. Try really hard to be like the person in Psalm 131:2* (NASB).  "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;/ Like a weaned child rests against his mother,/ My soul is like a weaned child within me."
  17. Really contemplate this. The child is not using the mother as food dispenser anymore. The child is not wanting, craving, desiring, demanding. The child is resting in a place of love and safety and warmth, perhaps remembering what the mother has provided in the past but also simply enjoying the goodness of the present.
  18. Hold on to that as hard as you can, and don't let go, no matter what.

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