But darn it all if I'm not seriously considering applying again.
I've been wondering what this says about me and have come up with several options.
- I am a masochist? I don't really think so, or the last 8+ years of chronic pain would have been enjoyable.
- I am stupid? The jury is still out.
- I am stubborn? Well, this is a proven fact. Is it possible that I am so attached to the idea of this dream that I refuse to give up on it even when it is obvious that I should? You bet it is. I just have to hope that if this is a bad place for me to go, I keep getting shot down until I get the message.
- I am . . . called? Whoa, there! I don't really buy this calling thing as it's flogged by modern evangelicals. There are things we're all called to do as followers of Christ (love one another, love God, serve one another, do all things to the glory of God, etc.), but I don't necessarily think the only people who can teach (or missionary [yes, I'm using it as a verb here for consistency's sake] or pastor or politician or sell or whatever) are those "called" to teach (or whatever). God calls us to be faithful no matter where we are or what we're doing. But is it possible that sometimes the Holy Spirit nudges us in a certain direction, and we should pay attention? Very probably. So is this something I should pay attention to, or is it just (see #3 above)? I have no idea.
What are your thoughts? Any other options you think this obsession indicates? :)