The pain is spiking, and I haven't been sleeping much. I never really know what is cause and what is effect. It doesn't matter because I just have to deal with the one-two punch combo, only since there are several areas of pain concentration, it feels more like being pummeled by a bigger combo. It's funny how when the pain isn't as bad, I sometimes wonder if I am overdramatizing it or romantiSIZING it. Then it gets bad again, and I realize I wasn't.
I was actually hopeful that I might be coming down with the flu or something, and that's when I realized it was pretty bad. The flu is somewhat predictable and finite (even for folks with bad lungs like I have). This pain? Not so predictable. Like a real shadow boxer: someone I can't see lurking and then JAB and my breath is gone, and I can't remember what I was thinking about because all that's there is the pain. And then it's gone, and I'm panting a bit and sweaty and glad my new chair is sturdy and hard to fall out of.
And I think again, "I have got to do something about this." But then I have to get back to work, almost frantic to make up for those seconds lost to this round of pain as I wait for the next one. And besides, drugs are the only thing I haven't tried, and I like to think that with my propensity for weird and crappy side effects, I still probably feel better overall without them. But I will definitely get my shoulder diagnosed this year.
After that, if I haven't gotten laid off yet, I will try some more physical therapy for the other arm, the one with the nerve problems, the really tricky one that started all this. I am cautious not to aim to high, not to overwhelm myself with all these problems. Slowly, one step at a time. Until I find out that all of them are incurable and have only one choice left: Deal with it.
Until then, there is hope.
You can see why I might procrastinate in this. Cut me a little slack about it, okay? : )