As I tried in vain to move something on an awkward shelf, my friend asked seriously, "You know what you need?"She had some good suggestions for t-shirts to wear all the time. "Jesus is my boyfriend, and the world is my nunnery," was my personal favorite variation.
"A cabana boy to move things around for me?"
"No. He'd just fall in love with you."
(There followed a time of laughter and snorting.)
After we were done getting goofy, she ended up suggesting that I wear a fake wedding ring.
Setting aside that I really have no rings and that I don't actually know which hand you wear a wedding ring on (since it seems most of the rest of the world does know that one, and it would be easy to find out), I was kind of intrigued by the idea.
- It would definitely be less offensive (in a driving the sharks away sort of manner) than introducing myself by name and saying, "I'm happily celibate for life, so please don't fall in love with me ever."
- It would meet corporate dress code better than the novelty shirt.
- It would make a clear statement to every decent person who knows what hand a wedding ring is on that I am not available for relationships.
There are a lot of perks, honestly. But that's the rub: honesty. Isn't it a lie to wear a ring that says, "I am married to someone" when you're not and never plan to be?
Technically, it's not a lie; it's just jewelry. But it feels dishonest.
If I made sure to tell anyone who asked about it, "No, I'm not married. I'm just not interested in a relationship," I wonder if my conscience would be assuaged.
Not quite. At least, not yet. (And it would be hard not to be really honest and yack on about celibacy and stuff that would turn me into an instant weirdo at the office: not the corporate persona I really want to create . . . Maybe down the road when I get to know people better, and they really want to know what makes me tick, but definitely not now.)
I could be being my usual silly self here, choosing the hard road because it's the hard road. I mean, the ring solution is a very elegant one. So, if you think it is, please help convince me that it's not lying to wear a wedding ring when you'll never be married. I really want to be convinced . . .